Depressed: For When You Need To Laugh

Feeling down is crap; whatever anyone says or does just makes you worse. How can people just be so offensive, do they not understand the pain you are going through. Can they not see that you are the lowest form of human ever and that life is mean and cruel to you because you deserve it? 

When I felt depressed I would go through moments of hating myself and then hating the world around me. How could I be so nice and try so hard and always have everything in my life go horribly wrong? These thoughts would go over and over in my head and then before I knew it I had spent the whole weekend in bed watching re-runs of friends feeling like a saddo as they had a great life and my life was awful. 

If this is something that you can relate to then this exercise is going to get you laughing again, remember laughing? Oh what a joy it was way back when you was a happy couple. 

Ask yourself this ‘When was the last time you laughed?’ 

When I got asked this question I couldn’t remember, how is it for you? 

I first wrote about this exercise in my debut book “Sort Out Your Crap Life” and found that it really helped when I went through my break up. 

Exercise:

Your task is to book a time every day where you can do something fun for 30 minutes. At first you may have to force yourself to do this, you may have to even force your giggles but you will get there. Your 30 minutes can include your favorite comedy show, dancing around to your favourite music or calling a friend that makes you laugh. You really can do anything, only you know what you call fun and it has to be fun. It has to be something that you know makes you laugh. When we struggle to smile and can’t remember the last time we laughed THIS exercise makes a huge difference. 

Whilst nursing a broken heart we could go weeks without laughing and that is just not good for our soul or our healing. Becoming aware of our lack of laughter enables us to deliberately create it until it becomes natural for us again. 

Our thoughts and actions can physically change the networks in our brain. If you do more happy stuff you will end up creating a happy brain and with a happy brain comes a happy heart. 

Set a reminder in your phone for 30 minutes of laughter everyday. 

Depressed: When You Need To Reach Out For Your Sanity

This exercise allows for the feeling of depression to pass. I was taught it via a friend whom was taught via a friend at her gym. This is not my claim to fame but well worth sharing and a big huge thank you to how it got into my hands. It works quite well as something you can do quickly to change your mood when you are feeling low and want to snap out of it. 

Read this exercise through fully once and then go for it. 

Part 1

Sit on a chair or the end of your bed with your back straight and your feet flat on the floor. Lift your hand above your head and reach up with both hands. With your arms still in place breathe in deeply. Hold your breath and squeeze your hands into fists so that the muscles in your arms get really tight. Hold your breath until it starts to get uncomfortable and then breath out slowly. Keep your arms tense and lower your fists to your chest, as if you’re pulling down on a gym machine. 

Repeat part 1 of exercise 5 times.
On your final repetition cross your arms over your chest, imagine you’re Dracula sleeping and you have got the right position. 

Part 2

Drop your chin to your chest and breath in four short breaths without breathing out. It feels a bit like your gasping for breath but you are filling your lungs deeply with fresh new oxygen so this is good for you as more oxygen is getting to your body and brain. Hold your breath for as long as comfortable on your fourth breath and then breathe out slowly through your mouth. You should be able to still control your breath here if you can’t you held your breath to long. 

Repeat part 2 of the exercise for a few minutes. The key is to focus on your breath and imagine all the negative feelings leaving your body with every out breath. 

This exercise is quick and easy and a great start for those whom are totally new to meditation. Meditation allows for us to create an inner focus within ourselves. I used to spend so much time worrying about what had happened in my break up. I was crying desperately about what I wasn’t going to have in my future, I wasn’t going to have a marriage, I wasn’t going to have any babies, the dreams of a nice house were gone and so was the man to love and cherish me. Meditation allowed me to focus on the here and now, not what had or hadn’t happened. When I was able to focus on me right here right now I realized that everything was ok and all was perfect. Letting go of our worries for the future as a singleton is the hardest but the more you focus on the here and now the easier losing those fears will become. 

Whenever you are feeling low and those fears about your future sneak up on you do this exercise. You can even do this in your birthday suit from your bedside. 

Depressed: For When You Just Don’t Understand Why You Feel So Crap

Whilst trying to deal with my own envy and jealousy I read on a website forum about the idea that our feelings are messengers. This idea suggested that the envy I was feeling was trying to tell me something. It was trying to tell me about an unmet need I had somewhere. It sounded like madness at first but it was actually my friend’s boyfriend whom reconfirmed the idea after I asked his advice on how to deal with how jealous I was feeling. 

He said “you are jealous because you know deep down that your relationship wasn’t good enough and that you settled and ignored all the signs. You are annoyed at yourself as you know that you have been a bit foolish, your jealousy isn’t about other people its about your own disapproval of your own actions” Quite a profound moment at 5am after a hard night of trying to find the answer in a bottle of brandy and bag of pills , after a big huge 3 hour cry I got so many negative feelings out my system and came to terms with this new understanding. I resented my circumstances, I knew deep down that I had let myself be treated in a way I didn’t deserve and I had become jealous of everyone else’s strength in knowing how they should be treated in a relationship and wanted to be strong too. It felt amazing to understanding my emotions. I had negative beliefs that wanted to be found so that I could change them. It was a revelation. It felt so good to know that I wasn’t a bitter old bint. 

Envy and Jealous can stand for many things and I have noted some of the reasons behind these emotions below, these are just there to give your subconscious a little nudge in the right direction, pay attention and know it’s time to speak up. Now I am not expecting you to go out and get drunk on brandy and ask your friends boyfriends for help like I did so I have created a exercise so that you too can find out what the heck is going on inside if you too. 

Deep down like me you know the answer already but it is so scary to admit and you are scared and that’s ok but you will feel such a sense of relief when you find the answer. 

ENVY: 

Feelings of inferiority, Longing, Resentment of circumstances, Ill will towards envied person often accompanied by guilt about these feelings, Motivation to improve, Desire to possess the attractive rival’s qualities, Disapproval of feelings. 

JEALOUSY: 

Fear of loss, Suspicion or anger about betrayal, Low self-esteem and sadness over loss, Uncertainty and loneliness, Fear of losing an important person to an attractive other, Distrust

 

To find the message in your own emotions try this exercise. 

Complete the sentence: I am jealous and envious of ........... because.......... 

Once you have completed this sentence ask yourself “But why” and write down your answer. Repeat “But Why” until you feel that you have finally got to the bottom of your emotion and feel relieved of its answer as you unveil it. 

You may need to repeat this 50 times, it may take only 3. Do whatever is right for you; there is no exact layout for this exercise. Just keep going until you know you have found the reason behind your emotions, you should get to your final “but why” and have the same answer as the one before. Keep going with your ‘but whys’ until you feel you have discovered something amazing. You really should have a bit of a ‘fu*k me’ moment when you uncover it. If you just can’t get any answers whilst doing this on your own. Do the exercise with a friend whom you trust. Just do the exercise verbally rather than using pens and paper. All your friend should be saying is ‘But Why’ over and over and encouraging you to answer each question fully until the answer reveals itself. 

Push yourself and go deep into this, saying that you are jealous because you are scared of losing them to some one more attractive is not the belief behind your emotion. Your belief would be that you don’t think you’re good enough or attractive enough for them. Your own self-esteem would be causing this jealousy. Once you have found the belief you can work on improving yourself esteem or whatever it is that comes up. 

And please remember don’t ever be afraid of finding out a negative belief or a weak behavioral pattern. Once it is discovered you own it and you can then change it.

Please note: We have used this exercise to find the reasons behind your envy and jealousy but this exercise can used to get to the core belief of any negative emotion you are experiencing. 

Depressed: When Even Your Favourite TV Doesn’t Cheer You Up

Feeling down and crap about the breakup made me want to be alone. I didn’t want anyone to see me feeling so miserable so I hid and wallowed in it quietly in the comfort of my own home. But then when I tried to cheer myself up again I was so low and felt so crap about myself that I just couldn’t find it inside myself to feel happy. Even Sex In The City didn’t cheer me up. I just didn’t know what to do. Knowing that the dramatics of life and emotional meltdowns were all part of being a cool hip Carrie kind of girl just didn’t do the trick anymore. 

So that was when I had to draft the real friends in and that is exactly what you are going to do. 

Friends love us, they listen to our moans, they let us borrow their favorite dress and they hold our hair whilst we throw up. But sometimes when our shit really hits the fan we hide from them. We tell them that we are ok when all we really need is our friends around us, making us laugh whilst wiping our snot from our nose as we cry about that boy. 

Feeling down makes us feel alone and when you add the break up bullsh*t to the mix too life can feel like a utter disaster. Life is not a disaster, you have plenty of magic and love still in your life and you are going to nourish yourself with it. 

You have friends that adore you and this is the time to surround yourself with them. You are going to arrange a MendMaker Sisterhood Sleepover.
Gather all your friends over for a girly night and sleep over. It IS time to fully embrace the love of your friends whilst eating your favorite food, drinking your favorite drinks, and laughing about the good times. Pamper yourselves with face masks and manicures. Watch your favourite chick flicks and sing on karaoke. Do all the things that friends are meant to do, laugh, laugh and laugh some more. And if the mood takes you cry it all out over their shoulders. 

We can only think of one thing at a time, I know us women are able to do 6 things at once, but the truth is we can only think of one thing at any one time. For example you can’t be depressed and happy at the same time. Nourishing ourselves with the relationships that are right in our life will make you feel happy, make you feel fulfilled and make you realise that you can and will take on the world – with or without a man in your life. 

When we have all our wonderful friends around us they will only let us focus on the good stuff. Even after the wine when your mind slips back and allows your sad emotions to creep through your friends will be there to pull you out of it again. 

Enjoy your sisterhood sleep over and book them in as often as you can whilst healing your broken heart. Your sisterhood sleep over is a safe place for you to be whilst your nurse your emotions back to health. Yes you may not want to go out, you may never want to see another man again and that at this moment is fine. But when we feel like this and when you feel down and alone you must and I been MUST pick up the phone and get your girlfriends round and enjoy the fact that each one of us has their very own Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbes and Samantha Jones. 

Depressed: When Everyone Else’s Good News Makes You Feel BITTER

Within 5 months of my breakup two of my best friends got engaged, one got pregnant, one bought her own flat and then my younger brother proposed to his girlfriend. I was deeply happy for all of them but I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect me at the time. Thinking that my wedding cake would be turned into their engagement cake was just too much to cope with. 

For months every time I would hear of other peoples good news I would get a huge burning of emotion in my throat.
When everything in your world has gone wrong it is so hard not to feel the blow when others talk about their bliss. I would get totally envious and use the “why not me” syndrome. Why does she have everything, why is life so easy for him. I try so hard and I get shat on all the time. Life isn’t fair! 

Feeling sorry for your self is allowed. But just for a bit, and then it has to stop. 

You need to find the empowerment within the change you are experiencing otherwise you just become sorry for yourself and it causes you to give off the most unattractive vibe to others. 

What we focus on we get more of, our vibe attracts what we think about most. Your subconscious will start to believe that everything good only happens to other people and that you only want to attract idiots, liars, cheats and fools if you remain in this negative state of mind. It will start to do exactly what you tell it and you will meet more idiots, liars cheats and fools, exactly what you don’t really want. You see the subconscious has no filter it doesn’t understand your complex mind, it doesn’t understand that although you are focusing on a negative such as “good stuff only happens to others” you really mean “I want good stuff too, I want it all the time, I want to be a huge success in love, life and all.” 

So how do we tell our subconscious what we actually want when we just cant help dwelling on our pain. The key is to join others in their experience of joy. When we allow ourselves to experience their joy we will be also creating the emotion within our own self and this allows for us to start attracting joyous experiences into our life. Remember you are what you think and feel about most. It is time to really experience their joy. Actually feel it in your tummy, be excited, a fake smile is not good enough. You have to create the emotion inside if you. Be happy when other people have what you wish for. Them having what you want is proof that good stuff, fairytale relationships and dreams do come true. When all your chips are down don’t hate them remember that they are doing you a favour by reminding you that these things are still possible. Yes it will be hard at first but celebrate with them knowing that when your time comes they will celebrate with you as well. 

To help you lift yourself out of your “why me” mood your Mend Maker is your very own personal inventory. A personal inventory enables you stop feeling so sorry for yourself. It is a physical list of all the blessings in your own life. All the things you are thankful for. Your eyesight, your family, and your friends have been supporting you through this tough time; add them to your list. Add your good looks, your loyalty, kindness and good sense of style. 

Write a list 60 things by the end of today and keep adding something daily until you have reached 100. 

If you are finding yourself falling back into moments of envy and jealousy keep your personal inventory handy and read it to yourself every time you feel like you have absolutely nothing going for you and when you feel like your life is over and your going to be on your own forever. 

It is all to easy for us to fall of the wagon when if comes to keeping our emotions stable whilst experiencing the pain of a break up but little simple steps like taking 5 minutes to read this list will get you back on the straight and narrow.