Anger: For when you want to kick the sh*t out of them

I actually discovered this exercise from a Louise Hay video. After 2 days in bed crying I decided enough was enough and I watched this video to help me get out of my “I want to die” depression. Louise spoke about an exercise in which you punched all your anger and energy into a pillow. It was a release exercise to get rid of negative emotions that can cause us to hold onto the past and create disease within our bodies. It took me over 2 weeks to take action and to actually punch some pillows, and this was only after I had punched a wall and kicked in the front of my favourite stilettos. - I do not even know why I was wearing such shoes as I hadn’t actually left the house but a lot of strange things happened in this dark period that I have no answers for. 

I only mention this because I do not want you to wait that long, the quicker you start this anger release exercise the quicker you will feel better - whatever the current result or state of your love life. 

This may feel like one of those wacko hippy exercises at first especially if you haven’t ever read any kind of personal growth stuff before but it is more effective than hitting walls and it keeps your hands and your shoes safe. 

Find yourself some cushions, I find that the best place for this exercise is your bedroom as you are able to be alone and shut the rest of the world out. The bedroom also holds the memories of passion with your partner and this can cause even more emotion to erupt. This is good as we want to get it revealed and get it out as anger and distress do all kind of crazy stuff to our body and make our mind feel mad as our heart feels broken. Kneel on your bed, grab your cushions and start to punch them. Keep punching them until you are exhausted. Thoughts and memories may enter your head when you are punching, just let them flow from you and leave you’re being, you can imagine these cushions to be anyone or anything you need them to be. Talk to these cushions, shout at them, ask them why, in fact ask them all the questions you need to. You don’t even need to make sense. Allow your anger to flow out of you and whack the crap out of these cushions until you can’t whack any more. 

Your body will feel tingly. You will feel alive, and you will feel stress free and connected to yourself in a way that is really hard to explain without sounding a bit random, but once you try this you will totally know what I mean. 

Anger can lie dormant deep inside us, it sits in our tummies waiting for a totally inappropriate moment to ignite into a outburst that gets us into all kinds of trouble and causes us to behave in ways that can hurt us even more. Do this exercise as often as you need to. I would do it at least once a day for a couple of weeks and then whenever you feel sad, angry or slightly mad. 

You may find that memories of your childhood or experiences unrelated to this break up come into your mind during this exercise. This is good so just let it happen. All of our experiences make us whom we are today – if something needs to be released let it, it can only be of benefit to you. 

Our emotions are important. Notice them, accept them and move through them. You will feel angry inside until you actually express it outwardly from your body, just because you have pushed it to one side or tried to forget about it doesn’t mean that it is gone. Anyone that tells you to deny your emotions in any kind of way is a fool. Yes if you study yourself for years and work on a deep spiritual level you may be able to avoid experiencing anger but if you do experience anger in any shape or form it cannot be denied. 

Love your anger. Know why you are angry. 

You can only lose something once you own it. So own it, experience it in your own controlled environment where it can hurt no one and then let it go. 

Anger: For When You Feel Out Of Control & Need To Be Reminded Of The Consequences Of A Public Outburst

“When anger rises, think of the consequences”" - Confucius

Confucius was a Chinese philosopher who was born in 551 BCE. Confucius had a theory on “beautiful conduct.” He thought that if everyone could achieve “beautiful conduct,” or what he considered correct behavior our world could become perfect. This involved avoiding all extreme actions and emotions, being considerate to others, respecting family, and worshiping ancestors.
Now I am not too sure about worshiping your ancestors, although popping round to see your Nan and Uncle Mo once in a while won’t do you any ha. But, his talk of avoiding all extreme actions whilst hurting is definitely a good thing. 

When we feel hurt by others or they do stuff to us like lie, cheat, and then cheat some more we seem to turn into a thing possessed when we see them next. We tell them that we want them to die; we shout out loud that their mother stinks and scream at them that we hope their secret love child gets burned at the stake. 

Your personal thoughts on what you want to say to your ex may of course be a little less spiteful or maybe a hell of a lot worse. Whatever you feel you need to say to them right now is your business but I have one question. Why do you need to make it the business of anyone else including your ex? 

What you need to do is ask yourself this – Is this really how you want to represent yourself? Is this the final last word that you want the love of your life to hear and remember you by? 

We all do and say crazy irrational things when we are hurting, we want to hurt the other person as much as we hurt at that moment. BUT how will your touretted tirade make them go “oh yeah my mother does stink thank you for reminding me, I have missed your words of wisdom so much, shall we go to Paris this weekend and make up, I love you so much you are just so kind and lovable. I have been such a fool dumping you.” 

If you can think of 3 reasons of how this course of action would set you up to reunite I will eat every copy of this book ever printed page by page. 

The hate and hurt that causes your thoughts and bouts of nasty name calling does need to get out your system though. The key is to release them at the correct moment and definitely not in front of the person you are in love with. I advise you to go to the scream and or cushion exercise immediately when you feel these feelings bubble and then once the emotional energy is released we can do a little exercise to re connect you with your rational self as believe it or not it still does exist. Please see “scream it all out” and kick the sh8t out of them” in the Anger MendMaker Section for the perfect exercise. 

Inside you have this infinite wisdom, it just knows what’s right for you and what feels good, it’s just unfortunate that this ba*tard called fear gets the way of it most of the time. This exercise is a bit of a devil’s advocate but the questions and your answers will allow you to reconnect to this wisdom. You have it I promise. You may feel like a dumb ass failure or a heartbroken lonely freak at this moment in time but trust in me when I say that ARE a beautiful piece of wisdom. 

Exercise

Grab yourself a piece of paper and a pen. The following exercise is about getting control over that irrational mind that is about to explode. 

1: To start write down at least 10 reasons why getting angry with them would make them love you and want you back. Write down what you would say and underneath write how this would make them love you again. Just let it all flow until you can’t think of anything else to write. You may struggle to do 10 and do only 3, you may do none or even 43. What you come up with is right for you. Just make sure you are honest with what you truly feel at the moment. Then sit back take 5 and then look over your answers. 

2: Now if you couldn’t really think of any reasons of why it is good to have a outburst your wisdom has started to kick in, if you did then go over your questions one by one and ask yourself again if your statement or begging outburst would really cause them to regret loosing you and want them to desperately fall back into your arms. To get love you have to give love so if your going to get angry with someone you don’t need to be a genius to work out what you will get in return. Now this statement doesn’t mean that you can sleep with your ex giving them the best “love” of their life. A quick shag with the ex is not love, it is just sex, do not get the two confused, you will only get hurt more. 

Also think about this, do you really want to be with someone whom gives in and gets back with you just because you harassed them and threatened to go on hunger strike if they didn’t move back in with you? Throwing threats, guilt, money and sex at someone to win them back is not what you deserve and if you do think it’s what you deserve don’t panic about these thoughts as we deal with your self esteem in this book to. 

3: With the first part of the exercise done it is now time to take a fresh look at the possible reactions to your actions and outbursts with a new list. Write down 50 reasons why you should not scream and shout at them. What would be the consequences? This list is extensive but do complete 50. 

It may be hard but you will get there, this is about exhausting yourself with your answers. In the punching exercises you exhaust yourself until the energetic anger inside you is worn away, in the same way this exercise exhausts your irrational behavior and gets your wisdom strong again so that you don’t send that crazy death threat texts that will enable your ex to go “ see that’s why I dumped you, your nuts”. 

4: Read your lists once over, destroy them and breathe deep as you know the moment has past and you for now at least not have to deal with your consequences as you haven’t created any. 

You have done well. Claim your prize, be brave and although you may be nowhere near ready to find someone new smile at the next hot stranger you see and feel good as they acknowledge your wisdom and beauty. 

Anger: For When You Want To Tell Him Exactly How Much You Hate Him

Getting your emotions out without looking like a wild banshee is key when riding those ba*tard emotional waves of a break up and trying desperately to keep your dignity. 

When you can’t scream or beat up your pillows a good old-fashioned paper and pen is where anger release is at. It is time to write down what you want to say to your ex. 

Not really much explaining to do for this exercise as all you need to do is write you’re ex a letter. It is simple, you just need to pick up a pen and put all the words and emotions you have about them down on paper. Tell them exactly what you think of them. Write in capitals, in your best joined up, in blood if it makes you feel any better just get those thoughts, feelings and hardcore wild emotions out. It is also important that you do actually hand write this. 

These words and your personal expression of your emotions needs to be impressed onto that paper. 

Don’t think about what you are writing, don’t analyse it or worry about being irrational. This exercise is here to get these thoughts and feelings out of your system. What ever comes out is perfect and exactly what needs to leave your system. Write and write until you have nothing left to say. 

The paper and ink will be full of negativity after you have finished writing. All the bad stuff you don’t need in your life anymore will have moved from your hurting heart to the paper in front of you. So once you feel finished it is time to remove this anger permanently from your life by destroying the letter you have created. How you destroy it is up to you, you can rip it up into tiny bits flush it down the toilet or throw it on a fire – Please just be safe and don’t do anything dangerous if you do decide to burn your letter. 

As you see the paper disappear imagine all that negativity from your heart going with it. If you would like imagine a colour leaving your body and chasing the paper down the toilet bowl or into the fire. The colour can be anything you wish. When I did this mine was a nasty dirty green colour, yours will naturally come to you, don’t question it just let it flow. Keep your eyes open when you do this. It is important that you totally rid yourself of this anger by allowing yourself to see it disappear in front of your very eyes. The flow of colour that leaves your body represents the negative energy and painful emotions that are actually leaving your body as you do this exercise. By doing this visualization you are deepening the experience and although it may be a very new and strange thing to do try and be open to it as it is very cleansing. 

You can do this exercise as often as you wish. If you find that writing really helps you may choose to take it further and create a daily journal. Julia Cameron encourages journaling in her famous book The Artist’s Way, a book about rediscovering your creative self. A book I would totally recommend to those that discover that there writing sets them free in some way. 

Writing and releasing your emotions is very therapeutic and allows for an emotional release without any backlash for the person you are directing your words at. Due to the content of your writing it is important that you keep your written outbursts safe from the eyes of others, there are plenty of online journal websites that enable you to join for free and get writing, no one will ever see it and what’s more you can do it at work and look like your totally busy whilst manically writing about your ex and how you want to rip of their head and sh*t down their neck for all the pain that they have caused you. 

Anger: For When You Need To Scream It All Out

Get in your car and go for a drive. (If you haven’t got a car, try a open space just remember you don’t want anyone to think you are being murdered so make sure no one is about) 

And then when the surroundings feel right scream. 

There won’t ever be a right time for this so don’t wait just take that risk that chance and go for it. 

Scream and shout at the top of your voice, shout at the person you need too, actually imagine them in front of you, if you aren’t actually driving imagine yourself punching the hell out of them if it helps, physically do the movement, go for it. 

It may make no sense but if it feels right just scream it out and shout until you feel physically exhausted

You will feel the pain tingle and move from your body. You will feel fantastic. 

For those that really can’t find the relevant place or vehicle to make noise it is ok, although this is amazing so do try harder. You can get a similar sense of release from punching your bedroom pillows like discussed in another Anger exercise called “For when you want to kick the sh*t out of them” but I can’t deny that there is something quite magical about shouting and releasing the noise of your pain. 

Cry, shout and imagine you are standing with whatever or whomever you need too when you do this just make sure you pull over and turn of the engine if you need to close your eyes and get some movement going. Get that sh*tty anger and pain out of your body. Scream and go for it until you are exhausted. 

I have my dear friend Keeley to thank for this technique. Whilst moaning about how my mind and emotions were going round in circles, for about the 10th time that day she told me to scream whilst we were stuck in traffic. A truly amazing moment and

KP thank you so much for sharing this bl*ody marvelous act of randomness, did she make it up herself? was she taught it by a wise old man in the outback in Australia? or just driven insane my the male specie and my moaning?. I have never asked her actually I will let you make your own mind up.